Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
