I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
