it wasn't lemon gatorade
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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