Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
