Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
