I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
