I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
How does it feel to date your dad?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
