I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
