I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
