Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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