dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
His hands were made for my vagina.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Randomize
