I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
