My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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