Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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