Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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