He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
