I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
