This is not my ceiling
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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