I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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