Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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