I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
