butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
