...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
