4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
