I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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