Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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