Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
