If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
