Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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