he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
