the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Randomize
