The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
two words: eviction party
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
