Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
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