Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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