i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
My cat gives me a boner
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
