my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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