maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
