just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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