I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
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