that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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