I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
