So drunk, too bad you don't want this
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
