They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
