Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
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