I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
