The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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