his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Randomize
