I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
