Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
