Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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