So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
