she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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