Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
if i can run in heels then i can drive
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
