I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Randomize
