So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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