my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
