i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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